Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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