i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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