Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
