I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize