1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
