is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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