We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
