She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I could make wine with my vomit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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