Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
