Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
