I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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