I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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