She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
