I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
