It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
