shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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