Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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