My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
