Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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