smell my finger.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
