Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
