You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
