this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
