Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize