Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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