omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
