new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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