I'm going to jail i love you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
