This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize