Will you blow on my dice?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
