is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
