imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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