I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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