No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
