i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
