he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
