he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
