i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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