Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
there is glitter all over my balls
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