so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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