my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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