I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
