I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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