Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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