At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
