Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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