It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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