Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
