Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
