Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
