i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
