I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
