Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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