I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
