After last night, I could never be a politician.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
