There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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