Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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