when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
