Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
