it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
