Cold hands, warm shart.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
