Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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