The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
