Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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