OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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