For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize