Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
