First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
