I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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